I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
