wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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