I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
