my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
