if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
