ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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