a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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