Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
