So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
