I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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