Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want her autograph on my taint
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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