so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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