I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
