Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
