Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
