We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
