i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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