my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
