The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
