I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
