Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
