If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
