I puked a lego.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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