God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
