would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
