i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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