He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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