dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
