bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
