Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
