He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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