Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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