it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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