anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
