hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
