Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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