All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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