Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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