i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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