I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
