if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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