Tell her she can't have a vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
