I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
