haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
