can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
