Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
