Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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