let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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