i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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