I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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