This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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