What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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