Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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