i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
