so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Farmville is her only friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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