hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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