and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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