I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
