he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
