the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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