3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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