She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
