New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
