it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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