Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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