I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
