i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
