My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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