my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
