You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
