It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have already put on my inside pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
