You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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